point of no return....

the song says to embrace the point of no return.....  eye never EBRACE the unknown....  if eye can control the pain....  eye CAN push MYSELF....  but....  eye hate the unknown....  eye hate it when someone else is in control of my pain levels....

eye am told....  that eye am past the point of no return....  and....  eye know who is who....  eye know who is hitting me at the gym....  and....  eye know who their soldier is....  because he just called me a chicken....  for bailing....  when my knees were burning like crap....  eye am NOT a chicken....  you FUCK head....  eye just know how to take care of myself....  the moon taught me to take care of myself....  

look....  eye did NOT choose to go past the point of no return....  eye was TAKEN past the point of no return....  without my knowledge....

but....  eye am going to make the best of it....  eye have ice in the freezer....  eye have lemon juice to cool off the heat....  eye have products to help with the inflammation....  eye THINK that eye am as prepared as eye can be....

what the fuck is this game....  is it about coming up with the best strategy for the world....  is that even part of it....  OR....  is it just about beating the game....  beating the pain....  staying out of the mental hospital or jail....  is that ALL this fucking stupid ass wicked ass game is all about....  what a fucked up world....  what a fucked up game....  what a fucked up way to decide who will be in charge of the world....  no wonder the world keeps getting blown up....  if the game decides who will be in charge....  who can get the most resources....  who can cause the most pain....  who can be the most deceitful....  well....  no wonder the world keeps getting blown up in the end....  who wants the most abusive and decietful and manipulative leaders in charge of their world....  eye certainly do not....  how about you....

and....  am eye simply up against the game....  is each level of the game preordained....  and the workers are people who love to cause pain and deceive....  

or....  am eye up against another team....  perhaps the team that made it this far in the past....

what is it that makes them want to hurt me....  is what they have so great....  that they would rather keep it....  live in a world that is ages behind other worlds....  continue to live in a prison....  is that what kind of people eye am up against....  where power is more important than happiness....  or....  are they happy....  because....  they get off on causing others pain....  

soooo many questions....